The Four Agreements Part 2 - Be Impeccable with your word

This is the second part of a five-part series on The Four Agreements. If you haven’t read Part 1 - The Judge, I recommend starting there before continuing.

Don Miguel Ruiz on Being Impeccable with Your Word

In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz’s first agreement, "Be impeccable with your word," underscores the immense power of language.

• Speak truthfully and kindly: Being impeccable means your words should reflect your truth, but always delivered with care. Avoid using language to hurt, manipulate, or criticize—whether toward others or yourself.
• Gossip and negativity: Words can create or destroy. Engaging in gossip or negative speech is toxic. Even casual conversations can perpetuate harm. Being impeccable means rising above harmful communication, nurturing kindness instead.
• Self-talk matters: This extends to how you speak to yourself. We are often our own harshest critics. Being impeccable involves silencing that negative inner dialogue—Ruiz’s "Judge"—that berates us and sows self-doubt.
• Words as manifestations of intent: In the Toltec tradition, words are seen as powerful tools for creation. They shape our reality and that of those around us. Being impeccable with your word means speaking with integrity, ensuring that your words align with your values, foster positivity, and bring your intentions to life.

For those who are visual below - (min 1:00 - 2:32)

Words Are Hard

For me, the first agreement—being impeccable with my word—was the hardest to embrace. Yet, it's also the most powerful.

I grew up without any words of my own. I was molded to follow the words of others, not to create my own. So when I encountered this agreement, I felt lost. How could I be impeccable with my words when they were not even mine to begin with? But the Judge—that critical voice inside me—certainly had words, and those were me. 

During a trip to Turkey, a yoga teacher spoke about how childhood beliefs can shape our reality. Back then, I viewed it as brainwashing, but now I realize it was simply the Judge at work. That voice followed me everywhere, telling me I was ugly, disgraceful, unworthy.

The words that were supposed to teach me became the very ones that destroyed me. They weren’t my own at first—but over time, they became mine.

How can you fight against yourself?

Yoga helped me face this question. Practicing the 26+2 yoga series—90 minutes in a hot room with no music, no flow, just 26 postures and the relentless presence of the Judge—was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. With no phone to distract me, no escape from my own thoughts, I confronted that voice.

In the end, I learned that I hated myself.

Everyone perceives life differently. For me, the pressure my parents put on me was something I internalized deeply. I moved away to escape it, but the pressure didn’t leave—it became my own. The Judge in my head told me I was ugly, unlovable, stupid. But over time, through that intense self-examination in the yoga studio, I learned to quiet the Judge. The self-hate began to fade. 

Fighting with Everyone Around Me

For a while, I let my resentment boil over. After years of silence, I began to speak up—sometimes too harshly. My relationship with my mother has been the hardest to navigate when it comes to being impeccable with my word.

My mother was the source of the Judge. I held deep resentment toward her, blaming her for my pain, for shaping me into someone I struggled to recognize. When I shared my pain with her, she felt guilty. But it wasn’t malice that drove her—it was fear. She raised me out of love, but that love was laced with the trauma of her own experiences. She survived a war, but no one truly leaves that behind. It lives in your bones.

I’ve learned that being impeccable with my word means I need to be mindful of how my words reflect on myself and others—especially my mother. She was the foundation of my life, and while she carried fear, I now know that she was doing her best to protect me.

Words have power, both in how we speak to ourselves and how we speak to those we love. To be impeccable with your word is to understand that power fully.