Zürich - The Architect of My Own Story

Growing up, my worldview was narrow. My parents, driven by their need to protect us from the harshness they had survived, shielded us from much of life. Our foundations were set on hard work, discipline and perfection. Failure was not an option. I felt confined by their unrealistic expectations. My parents laid out a clear path for my life, go to school, get a job, get married, and have kids. My parents told me, Once you get married and have children, then you can do whatever you want. How they said it it meant, marriage equaled freedom.     

To mentally escape from the world of expectations, I sought solace in other stories in television and movies. This escape to a different world offered connection and hope that lives like this exist outside my sheltered life. I just haven't experienced it yet. Every movie or show I watched had a romantic plot or subplot. The central question was always, "Will they end up together?" The stories I encountered followed a familiar pattern: boy meets girl, they face challenges, and in the end, they find their happily ever after in each other.

Stories have the power to connect us. They are shared experiences that unite us, whether we watch, listen, or live them. At the same time, stories shape the realities we construct in our minds. They become the beliefs we hold and the lives we lead. The experiences we go through and the stories we absorb influence how we perceive the world around us.

In my brain the pursuit of a partner was the common thread between my mother's teachings and the stories that shaped my upbringing. Love and partnership were at the core of everyone’s stories, making marriage the ultimate goal—a symbol that I had "made it." Having a partner was the answer toward that perfect ending. Whether this thought was right or wrong, that’s just how it formed in my head. 

In my twenties, I wasn’t a hopeless romantic—I was just hopeful. I longed for the happiness that I believed only a partner could bring. The pressure also came from my mother, who was so worried, I’d be an old maid. Every conversation with her seemed to tell me that she’d worry about me less if I was married. 

Eat Pray Love it was Not 

So when I quit my job and became a yoga teacher in Europe, people told me I was having an "Eat, Pray, Love" moment. They said I was going to travel the world and find the man of my dreams. Even in stories of self-discovery, the journey ends with love. In “Eat, Pray, Love” the love Elizabeth found for herself was overpowered by the love she found for someone else. Romance is this narrative is so ingrained in our culture that it shapes our day-to-day expectations. We look for love stories in our own lives, hoping for that same ending.

I was so tired of that narrative.  I wanted a happy ending, but in my own way. I had my own story to live, my own journey to take. I was tired of questioning mysef, “What Is wrong with me?”. Why doesn’t anyone love me? Why can’t I find my love story? Why can’t I be happy” I was constantly looking ahead to the next big thing, the next move, the next adventure. Whenever I met someone, I wondered if he was "the one." It was a mindset, driven by my need to please everyone. The more I looked for happiness, the more I seemed unhappy. 

I quit my job to not find a partner. I wanted to disconnect and reflect on the life I wanted to live, on my own terms. I was tired of the stories that were laid on me. Leading and trying to find love, only lead me to heartbreak and disappointment. 

Girl meets an Architect 

Months earlier before my journey, I met an architect in Munich. We spent most of the night talking about everything and nothing at the same time. We kept in touch when I came back to The States. When I returned to Europe, we made plans to meet again in Zurich, where he was living.

I can see a plot for another movie happening in my thoughts. Girl meets an architect at New Year’s Eve in Germany, while on roadtrip with a boy she was dating, girl and boy break up, then girl travels to Zurich to meet the architect and falls in love.

When I met the Architect again, it was if no time passed. Even though we only met once, it felt as if we knew eachother for years. The Architect and I connected and shared experiences and like our connection in Munich, was everything and nothing at the same time. We had deep conversations walking along the canals. We drank beer laying on concrete blocks looking up at the sky near an underpass. We met his sex therapist neighbor and ended up talking and hanging out in her backyard until the early morning. I made dinner, then he complained about how much toilet paper I used.

When I came to Zurich to see the Architect, people would think of a love story. 

This time was a little different, I was disconnected from all of the sources of the stories. Not my parents, society, movies, television. I didn’t need to be a certain way in order to find love. It freed me to live the way that I wanted to, without expectations. In that moment in time, I was just there, in the moment, enjoying someone’s company. Feeling some kind of familiarity, in a different county. It was a turning point for me. I wasn’t thinking of what other people would think. I was just enjoying my life for what it is. Experiencing moments together at a moment in time and understanding what human connection really meant to me. 

For so long, I was made to believe that love was when I “made it” and that was marriage. If I was a stereotypical perfect Asian girl like my parents wanted me to be, smart, skinny, beautiful and disciplined. I’d be happy. What I was starting to realize was that happiness is an internal state of mind. In a way I feel I was raised to not be happy with myself (that would be selfish), but I was raised to be a perfect person for someone else, a partner, my parents, everyone else around me.

There are things even an Instagram picture can’t capture—the feeling of freedom, the idea of going against the grain. And for the first time in Zurich, I felt free from the stories that had shaped my life. 

Memorable moments in Zurich

• Account for the high cost of living when traveling, Zurich is expensive to visit
• Reading a book and laying by the River in the middle of the City
• Hiking outside the city with beautiful Views
• I was walking in the city when a 50 franc note blew to my feet. It's one of those things, when you find, it's you're lucky day.
• Knowing There is a difference between Swiss German and German and Also High Vs Low German