From Survival to Fight Mode: Building the Muscle to Thrive
For most of my life, I’ve been in survival mode. Surviving meant making it through the day, holding back the emotions that felt too heavy to carry. Surviving school, work, and life became the rhythm of my existence—a routine that felt both necessary and exhausting. I worked hard because I was taught that hard work was the key to survival. My mother, a survivor of the Vietnam War, exemplified this. Her world was one of war, scarcity, and relentless uncertainty. Survival was her normal.
As I grow older and gain perspective, I see my mother’s life through a different lens. She taught me what she believed to be true for her survival. How could I fault her for giving me the tools she had to fight her battles, even if they weren’t always suited for mine?
During the war, slacking off could mean the difference between life and death. To fight was a luxury; survival was the priority. For her, the stakes were high, and every decision was rooted in a need to stay alive. Avoid bombings, to find the next meal. Even the idea of keeping the kids alive when my brother and sister were born. My parent’s survival skills allowed me to live in the world I live in now.
In contrast, my survival in the “free world” feels far removed from hers. It’s about enduring the mental and emotional grind, not dodging the literal bullets of war. And yet, the weight of survival feels just as heavy.
But survival is not enough. I've realized that I don’t want to build a life solely around the ability to survive. I want to cultivate the strength to fight—not just for my existence, but a belief in myself, and my purpose.
The Threshold of Willpower
Reading Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath gave me language for what I’ve been feeling. They discuss willpower as a finite resource—a muscle that fatigues with overuse. If you’re constantly in survival mode, your willpower gets depleted, leaving little energy for growth or progress.
This concept resonates deeply. My mother’s willpower was spent surviving. She did what she could to instill strength in me, but how could she teach me to fight for my passions when she never had the chance to do it herself? It’s not just about survival; it’s about building the muscle to embrace discomfort, challenge ourselves, and thrive.
Survival vs. Fight Mode
Survival mode teaches us to endure. Fight mode challenges us to strive. To make this shift, I’ve had to confront a fundamental truth: you can’t teach what you don’t know. Before I could build the muscle to fight, I had to repair the foundation—the house my mother built within me, one designed to endure hardship, not to conquer it.
The shift from survival to fight mode requires embracing discomfort. It means challenging ourselves in ways that may feel unnatural or even unnecessary after years of simply getting by. But it’s only through discomfort that we grow. Survival may keep us alive, but fight mode allows us to live.
Building the Muscle to Thrive
As I reflect on my journey, I no longer want to simply “make it through.” I want to push boundaries, take risks, and pursue a life driven by purpose rather than fear. My mother’s survival taught me resilience, and now I aim to transform that resilience into strength for the fight ahead.
The transition from survival to fight mode is not easy, but it’s necessary. It’s about rewriting the narrative, finding power in discomfort, and striving for something greater than mere existence. I honor the survival my mother passed down to me, but I’m ready to build a new legacy—one where thriving is the norm, and fighting for what I believe in is the ultimate goal.
What is it that you would fight for?